Holidays are so bloody depressing sometimes . . .
all things considered, I think I would rather be back at the office.

We came to Oklahoma to see family last night. I haven't seen many of these people since last year. To see them all, a little older, a little more feeble, a little more ground down by the stress of everyday life is hard.

That's my family. My wife's family is a little livelier, a little happier, more prone to laugh . . . but I have never felt entirely comfortable with them. It's not them, it's me. They have been nothing less than gracious and hospitable to me for the past twelve years.

I don't know why I can't just relax and enjoy life with them, but I find it exceedingly difficult to do. In any event, it is frustrating.

Say a prayer for me. Tomorrow, I go to Tulsa again to visit my grandparents (the part of my family I am closest to emotionally). We are going to spend part of the day scanning some of my Grandmother's photo albums. I'm also going to take some family heirlooms home with me. My grandparents are selling their house of 40+ years this winter, and moving to a retirement community.

That change will be difficult for me to handle, too.

Finally, to add to all this, my father is getting some tests run on Tuesday. His red blood cell count is down significantly, and the doctor suspects internal bleeding. Dad's had Hodgkins, cancer, and type 2 diabetes (the latter since the 1960's). Frankly, his health is declining, and I am not ready to lose him yet. I just started getting close to him again.

You see, Dad divorced my mother when I was fourteen. I'm thirty-eight now, and I spent at least half of the intervening years hating him for leaving. Just when we started rebuilding our relationship, I had to leave Oklahoma in order to make enough money to feed my family. Seeing him twice a year instead of playing golf once a week is hard, too.

Sorry this has become a rather depressing rant. I hope you and yours have had a blessed Thanksgiving. I'll try to cheer up -- meanwhile, thanks for visiting.
- posted by MrSpkr @ 19:25